Monday, September 26, 2005
Monday, September 19, 2005
It's the Mid-Autumn Festival! Everyone is eating mooncakes (I stole Sharon's mooncake when she left it on the table that day)! Sharon was mad as she likes the ones with yolks and she was saving the best part for the last when I sneaked up and ate it all in one go! But no one gets mad with me for long as I've got such a loving nature and with my doe-like eyes, I usually get away with murder! Heh heh!
Anyway, I saw the kids playing with traditional Chinese lanterns and I wanted to join them. But Karen felt that the sight of a big, fat, furry brown monster may scare them off, so she got me a small lantern for me to play at home instead! It's my first lantern! I liked it a lot but for safety reasons, I was not allowed to put a lighted candle into in lest I singe and burn myself... I walked around the entire house with it! After a few rounds, I got a little exhausted and I hung it by the window. I checked out the kids at the garden and all of them had such lovely lanterns too! But, I bet none of the doggies had one! Anyway, to all my human friends out there: Happy Mid-Autumn Festival! (PS: Save me the scraps from the mooncakes, ok?)
I was rummaging through a pile of old photos that day from Sharon's dressing table and guess what I found? An extremely slim and svelte photo of me! That was me shortly after surgery...geesh....now, I even have a double chin and folds of skin round my neck and tummy (Karen calls it the 'shar pei' after the wrinkly dog)! My collar was too loose then...now, I not only have a new collar (I think it's my 4th new collar) and I am using the last hole of the collar...*sigh*...and everyone thinks that fat is an issue that only humans face....
Friday, September 16, 2005
I've got a new friend; his name is Danny! Actually, he's Karen's old friend...but any friend of Karen's (or Sharon's or Jules') is also a friend of mine. Karen and Danny have been friends for almost 15 years! Wow! That's a long time! It's equivalent to 105 doggie years (1 human year = 7 doggie years)!! For doggies like us, it's like having an old friend for a century!
Danny was around the vicinity that day and he popped by to say "Hi" to me. I took an immediate liking to him and I gave him more that what he had bargained for...actually, I gave him a trillion-dollar welcome! I just could not stop myself from jumping at him! He was so nice and he did not push me away or raise his voice at me! When he sat down, I kept licking his legs, neck and face...I think he liked it quite a lot as he just sat there and allowed me to kiss him. Sharon tapped my buttocks lightly with a cane as she felt that it was bad manners and that I was not behaving well. But I totally ignored her and I continued to shower my new found friend with all my doggie affection. At one point, I got so carried away; I even pounced on him! He lost his balance and ended up lying on the floor! What did I do? Well, I continued to lick his face! But he's so nice. He never lost his patience and he kept saying that I was a 'good girl'! Wow, that really made me so happy! After a while, I calmed down and I decided to behave myself. I showed him my doggie tricks, my toys, my snacks and I even offered him my paw as a sign of friendship. He accepted my furry brown paw, so I think we are now friends. I hope to see Danny again soon. I will play catch with him and I will roll on my tummy and let him tickle me. I'm the best doggie in the world and I am sure Danny feels that way about me too! Danny, please come and see me again! Brown Monster misses her new friend!
Yesterday was Jules' birthday! I tried to hunt for a nice birthday gift for him. But I was unsuccessful as no one would accept my doggie toys or treats ( I can't count money, so I decided to barter trade). I also tried to trade off some old bones that I store away for my precious snack but no one was interested. Hey, humans are so strange! They seem to value a piece of coloured paper (called money) more than my canine treasures...I also tried to perform a few tricks but people were so busy rushing around with their daily lives, no one noticed me...
In the end, I went back home and decided to look around the house to make something for Jules. I wanted to make him a birthday card, but I was unable to use the scissors with my paws and I ended up sniffing so much of the art shop glue that I got drowsy and dozed off at the desk. I woke up with scraps of paper stuck to my nose and whiskers and I had to spend hours in the bathroom trying to yank them off (it hurt!). I was about to give up the idea when I saw a small white ribbon lying around the house. I figured out that it was from some gift-wrapped present. I had a brilliant idea! I stuck the ribbon onto my head (with minimal amount of glue, of course) and waited for Jules and Sharon to come home. When they finally did so, I gave them my famous million-dollar welcome and for the entire night, I was on my best behaviour! I felt that since I could not buy or make Jules anything for his birthday, I would give him all my doggie love instead. That would be the best gift that any human could receive from their pet dogs! Here's a picture of me with the white ribbon and a picture of me singing "Happy Birthday" to Jules. I don't think he or Sharon understood a word as it sounded like a bark to them!
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Sometimes, I get really horrid and scary nightmares! I would dream of becoming a stray again, having no loving owners like Sharon and Jules or having no yummy food to eat! A few nights ago, I had a particularly bad one...I dreamt that I was a dirty, scraggly stray rummaging through dustbins and everywhere I went, nasty people would yell at me, chase me, beat me up with sticks and throw stones at me! While I was running away, I got hit by a cyclist and I broke a few bones! I was in such pain; I thought I was going to die! Wow, that was such a scary nightmare!! I think I must have been crying and yelping so loud; Jules woke me up and said nice soothing words to comfort me! Phew! You could imagine the relief and joy I felt when I realised that I was sleeping on my comfortable beanbag in the bedroom! I think I must have cried quite a lot because Sharon dabbed my eyes with tissue and Jules was so sweet...he gave up sleeping on his bed that night to sleep on my beanbag with me!! I will never trade anything in the world for the love of Sharon and Jules...they are the world to me!
I've been raiding for snacks at the kitchen lately...in fact, I've been eating so much, I cannot even climb up the sofa! I used to be able to do a short sprint, followed by a leap and that will land me smack right in the middle of the couch. Oh dear, now, I can only get two legs up and I am unable to climb up the couch! I barked at Jules to ask him to help me up, but he was so busy and engrossed with his work, he totally ignored me....I also heard him telling Sharon that he will not give me snacks daily :-( That's a death sentence!! But, I badly want to sit up on the sofa and snuggle next to him and Sharon to watch TV, so I guess I don't have much of a choice!
Monday, September 12, 2005
Karen took this extremely unflattering shot of me over the weekend. I was resting at her feet and she noticed my tummy bulging out. She thinks it's a cute shot as my head's so tiny as compared to my tummy! Also, she thinks that I look like an aeroplane with my ears sticking out...a F-A-T and furry aeroplane, that is....*sigh*...I must make a serious effort to give up snacking and I must stop begging for food during meal times...but it's so hard, really!
My nails grow so fast! Sharon, Jules and Karen took me to the vet some time back for a check-up and to get my nails clipped. A fortnight later, my nails were back to their normal length again! And since everyone is so busy with work, no one has the time to take me to the vet to get them clipped. And no one dares to do it at home because I get really terrified of nail-clipping and it's a traumatising experience for me and everyone around.
So, the solution? I'm now left to my own devices and I will chew off the longer bits of my own nails (saw humans doing it, so I decided to try it out). Here's a picture of me nibbling at my hind legs. I look quite cute actually! :-))
Monday, September 05, 2005
I'm a fat dog...a fat dog isn't a healthy dog (or so they say). I get some form of exercise daily during my walks and depending on whoever is available to be my exercise trainer for the day, I will get a different routine. Jules will take me for a run up the hill military style (that's tiring!) and Sharon will take me around the entire estate for my walks. Karen comes over during weekends and she will take me whenever she pleases...actually, it is me who takes her around to places that she'd rather not go!
But, since my input >output, I still cannot attain the desired weight target and I still am unable to shed that desirable number of kilos. So, Sharon and Jules will make me do some aerobics at home while they watch TV or when they are doing their paperwork. Usually, I manage on my own, but sometimes when I find difficulty in balancing, I get help (see picture). Look at my tummy! I have some nice abs and soon, I will have a washboard tummy with 6-pack abs! Sharon has promised to buy me some brand new trainers (Reebok, Addidas or Nike) and Jules will treat me to some low-fat, low carb, high protein healthy doggie snack when I reach my desired weight! Way to go!!
This is my "feed me" look and most of the time, it works. That's why I am so horizontally challenged! Heh heh...
Sometimes, my big pleading eyes don't work and I have to think of more ways to get that snack. So, I put my head on Sharon's lap. That doesn't work very well either as I always end up falling asleep there. It's a great deal easier with Jules as he always gives in during Stage 1...but is it impossible with Karen as she will never give in to my tricks...
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Sharon and Karen were reading something and laughing their heads off while looking at me...Oh dear. I do hate being teased... Karen read out to me what they were laughing at. I don't get it at all!
It goes like this:
-When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions and still be in my way.
-The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
-The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
-I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep with legs sticking out. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
-For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine is not mandatory.
-The proper order is kiss me, then go smell/lick your ass. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
-I rubbed the lotion on my skin for a REASON! Not as an after-dinner snack for you.
-Also, I do NOT need your help driving the car, never mind what you saw on television!
If you do all these for me, I will post this following message on our front door.....
Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train. Usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results."
*Sigh*....Humans DO have a very weird sense of humour....oh dear, now Jules has joined them and they are now rolling over the floor and laughing at ME! :-(